Weeks and weeks and weeks have passed since I initially set my mind to creating a blog that I could use to chronicle my career. Countless times I've sat, just staring while my mind moves a million miles a second. Sheets and sheets of paper littered with random thoughts, pieces and parts of my heart scribbled in spurts; and every time I've walked away, defeated. Every page is a failed attempt to connect this passion within, to intelligible words spoken aloud. I'm a photographer, not a philosopher; it's a blog, not a novel. Those I hold close continually remind me of these things; it's time I listen.
The past few months of my life have been nothing short of a roller coaster ride. It's like I've been driving for miles and miles, all along the way watching the road ahead snake through the flat plains stretched out in front of me, and then I take my eyes off the horizon for a brief moment...and BAM! I've hit a dense, fog-filled, forest. That never-ending cycle of school and summer has come to a close. Though proving to be a very fruitful journey, I'm left with no map and no way of knowing where the road ahead will lead me. It's daunting to say the least.
Tonight as I sit in the sporadic stillness, I am left to reflect. In my tiny apartment on 3rd St. I do my best to shut out the city noise and focus my thoughts. Calmly, words begin to flow from my heart, and fill the page. Then it happens again, as it so often does. My eyes begin to wander, following the faint light from my computer screen as it dances into the darkness. Once again, my love for light steals me from the task at hand, and mid-distraction I catch myself. As frustration attempts to wedge its way into my thoughts I stop and slowly exhale.
You see, I've been taught, quite thoroughly in fact, to observe the direction, pattern, and quality of light in any situation. Though I've been shooting for many years, only recently have I learned to let my mind's eye, and most importantly, my heart to follow suit. Tracking movement with my peripheral vision, noticing tiny details and insignificant instances, and interpreting facial expressions and body language have all become second nature to me. While I search the scene within the viewfinder, I have started asking myself the tougher questions. And each click of the shutter is an attempt to answer. As the story unfolds, I push past technicalities and the obvious, for only then do I finally find the true depth a photograph can convey.
Content would be the word to describe my position in life right now. Finally. It is only now that I'm beginning to realize how my life fits into the bigger picture. You see, growing up I was convinced I'd become an educator or a doctor. As many children do, I had a heart that loved to serve. I was always content with settling for a smile over a few more cents in my piggy bank. Some things don't ever change. Midway through my college years, I had a crisis of conscience. More and more I found myself wondering, did I take the lesser route--art instead of medicine? How am I supposed to fulfill the true desires of my heart using art? While wrestling with these questions, something happened. I began to find fashion photography and fame becoming less of a motivation, and my passion for people, an overpowering inspiration. That passion grew and completely consumed my life, my work. As the direction of my career has changed, things have finally clicked, no pun intended. I will probably never pick up a scalpel or find the cure to a disease; it's true. But an even greater truth is that I'll never stop searching for a way to bring help and happiness to those in need through what I can offer of myself, my images.
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